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You know he is ready. And if we don’t give him the opportunity I am afraid we will lose him to someone else who will. And there is California. You have been traveling a lot lately. Those transcontinental flights will wear anyone down.’ His ancient hand, sun blotched from seventy summers at Martha’s Vineyard, rested on the arm of his chair. I reached out and covered it with my own. ‘Thank you for talking to me, Jason. I will give serious thought to what you have–and haven’t said. I promise.’ After he left, I crossed to the window again. Across the harbor, a 747 was taking off from Logan. In my mind, it was heading west. I had initially submitted to Brad to preserve my career, now that very submission was jeopardizing what it had been intended to save. But in the meantime, values had shifted. I was addicted. Obsessed. I didn’t know the right word. And I didn’t know addicted to what. The sex? The submission? For although it was always extremely sexual, there wasn’t always sex per se.. Sets of radio telescopes on the outside of the ship monitored the parallax shift of pulsars a hundred million light years away to confirm our course.It was like being lost in a freefall dive inside a takamakura without any focus, endless data structures streaming past me. A hundred billion pieces of information, all changing in real time.It was too much. Impossible for a human mind to grasp even the tiniest fraction.“Breathe. Just breathe. You’re going to be fine. You’ve got to filter.”I struggled, grabbing for mental handholds. Found something that allowed me to push the data into the background; still there, but outside my immediate awareness, like the beating of my heart. Concentrating on just a few things in my immediate vicinity — the factotum standing motionless in the level beneath, the warmth of the room — allowed me to regain a sense of calm.My heartrate settled, steadied. I shuddered, lungs pulling in a deep breath.“Better now?”I nodded shakily.“You don’t have to see.
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